I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!

Oh yes friends, it's that time of year again! Another six months agonising over the health and form of 20-odd young men from across the country. AFL season is back, so that means one thing: DREAM TEAM, BABY!

Now, this is my second year, and I made a lot of rookie errors the first time round, but I've learnt from those mistakes and am off to a pretty good start. I only cracked a score of 2000 once over the entire of last season, but I started off 2011 with a bang, scoring 2054. I'm stoked!

Go under the cut to check out my squad of super maxi legends.

I'm F**king Maaaaaatt Daaaaamooonnn

I don't like doing two posts full of YouTube clips in a  row, cause it's SHIT LAZY, but I found these clips while tidying up my hard drive today, and just had to get them back out into the world. Back in ye olden days of 2008, the world was blessed with not one, but two, meme-tastic videos. It was a running gag on Jimmy Kimmel's show that at the end of the night he'd 'bump' Matt Damon's appearance and say something along the lines of 'My apologies to Matt Damon, we're out of time tonight'. Sarah Silverman saw an opportunity where others just saw simple lols. Behold, Part 1:

Oh yes.

But Jimmy wasn't just going to sit idly by and take it lying down. Them apples were HIS apples, goddammit! A wounded yet defiant man, he countered with this heartfelt ode:

OH YES. 'Matt Damon' makes me laugh, but 'Ben Affleck' makes me CRY. And it's not cause I'm swayed by Lance from Nsync being in it. Ok...maybe a bit. A little bit. To this entire exchange I say:

Bullshit music Monday

I have been delivered a few aural treats in the last 24 hours, so it would just be rude of me not to share. The first one has gone insanely viral so you may (or, if you're really lucky, may not) have heard of this one. As I type, she is currently the top trending topic in Australia. Good lord. 'Friday' by Rebecca Black.

I really think Rebecca Black has done the world a favour. Everyone is suffering from a little bit of Charlie Sheen meme fatigue, so it's nice to have something fresh to mock relentlessly. Her lyric about the order of the days of the week will be on a tshirt before the end of the year, mark my words. I was questioning the sanity of whoever would bankroll the recording of the 'song', and the production of the (in parts, quite slick-looking) video. Turns out there's a production company that targets tween girls, writes them a song, records it with shitloads of auto-tune, does up a video and makes them 'stars'. I don't think it's particularly exploitive, if the parents are silly enough to cough up the cash, then that's their problem, but I do feel really sorry for the kids. You're 13, and everyone on the internet is laughing at you. That's gotta be a great self-esteem boost at a particularly fragile time in your life! I did watch a few of the other girls' videos, and while the lyrics were (slightly) better, they were still just as depressing, so we'll just leave it there.

Next up, we have BANGS (yep, capitals), the Sudanese casanova who wants to 'Take U To Da Movies'.

If I'm being honest, the more I watch this, the more insanely charming I find it. Safe to say that English probably isn't the first language of Señor BANGS, but his dedication to THUG LYFE is clear in any language. Just like Rebecca Black explaining that Sunday comes 'afterwards' Saturday, BANGS explains that 3.30pm is half an hour away from 4.00pm. They educate the kids, man. They provide a SERVICE, and ask for nothing in return. Except for some popcorn maybe.

I just couldn't leave BANGS there. I needed more. I clicked on the promising sounding 'My Special Girl'.

BANGS wants to let you know that you're his 'Special Girl', but he also wants to you know that he's operating at a maximum level of pimp. Exposing his little pigeon chest maximises his pimp status. Looking up his own website maximises his pimp status. Forcing his bling upon you maximises his pimp status. This guy is one badass PIMP, yo! I had to leave the world of BANGS, lest he slap me with his pimp cane. I just can't handle that kind of power.

As for this next one, I'm going to pre-apologise for posting it, but it needs to be seen. It's a 'local production' called 'Summer' by someone called Vee, but I like to call it 'Scarborough Slappers in bikinis with Garageband and a video camera'. I AM SORRY.

I can't even...I can't...oh god. I think the commenter who said 'This is worse than the holocaust' really sums it up, and I can't articulate it any better than that.

I applaud all the above artists on getting their work out there, as I know I certainly wouldn't be brave enough to release a shining example of my burning shititude onto the internet.

BRAVO, sirs!

EDIT: BREAKING NEWS! Damn these exciting, fluid memes! Please now feast your ears upon 'Friday' by Rebecca Black, as performed by (a) Bob Dylan (impersonator).

That was a little bit excellent. Kudos.