30 April 2010

We all make mistakes...

...but mine wasted both my money and an hour of my time.

After buying House of the Dead: Overkill for the Wii (and loving the shit out of it), I bought the House of the Dead 2 & 3 double pack for the grand price of $30.  Watch this entirely-too-long review video to get the gist of my zombie gore-fest purchase:

The story is rubbish, the character voices are awful, and the dialogue leads me to believe that Tommy Wiseau may have consulted on the project, but that's what makes it AWESOME. I lol'd at entirely unintentional jokes while blowing out the ribcages of my undead foes. I'm yet to play it 2-player, but it's certainly on the cards. I give it three and a half zombie torsos out of five.

So after my bargain purchase I was thirsty for another game which would allow me to totally wail on dudes with my lethal Wii zapper. I went to Toys R Us and paid fifty whole human dollars for the Mad Dog McCree Gunslinger Pack, which had three (count them, THREE!) Mad Dog games on the one disc AND a new light gun which looked incredibly exciting.

Then I got it home and realised it was the game I'd avoided like the plague at Timezone as a youngster.

What. A pile. Of shit. The gun was shit, and needed for the Wii-mote to have the Motion Control attached before it would fit in. The game itself was more or less just a super shitty movie where you sometimes shot at stuff. It just doesn't translate from the arcade to console. Maybe the annoying movie segments were great in the arcade and made you feel like you were getting more game time, but at home you find yourself shooting the undertaker in the face when he pops up to inform you that you've lost a life. Yes, thanks, I was aware of that. The mexican stereotype who shot me dead was a pretty good indicator. There's also a bar whore who pops up when you shoot a civilian to remind you to, er, not shoot civilians. Somehow I don't think she's in the best position to be lecturing on morals.

Anyway, this game blows. To say it sucks balls would be offensive to balls, but if you (somehow) liked this game back in the day, you may want the stab of nostalgia. I hope whoever decided to re-issue this game had a stab of nostalgia. Right through their eyeball. I wish I'd saved my $50, bought that amount of Wii credit, and downloaded five 'just as shitty but ten times more enjoyable' Megadrive or SNES games. Yeah, Ecco the Dolphin would have been better than this shit. I give it one bar whore out of five.

1 comment:

  1. Fantastic review! Worthy I must say of ZeroPunctuaion himself.