Above is the logo for my Dream Team. Have you ever seen anything so goddamn glorious? As the only girl in both my DT leagues, I saw it as my duty to unleash the rainbow unicorn with hate in his eyes. He'll cram fairy dust in places where the sun don't shine. However, it's becoming painfully evident that he's not really helping me in my campaign for DT supremecy.
The story is rubbish, the character voices are awful, and the dialogue leads me to believe that Tommy Wiseau may have consulted on the project, but that's what makes it AWESOME. I lol'd at entirely unintentional jokes while blowing out the ribcages of my undead foes. I'm yet to play it 2-player, but it's certainly on the cards. I give it three and a half zombie torsos out of five.
So after my bargain purchase I was thirsty for another game which would allow me to totally wail on dudes with my lethal Wii zapper. I went to Toys R Us and paid fifty whole human dollars for the Mad Dog McCree Gunslinger Pack, which had three (count them, THREE!) Mad Dog games on the one disc AND a new light gun which looked incredibly exciting.
Then I got it home and realised it was the game I'd avoided like the plague at Timezone as a youngster.
What. A pile. Of shit. The gun was shit, and needed for the Wii-mote to have the Motion Control attached before it would fit in. The game itself was more or less just a super shitty movie where you sometimes shot at stuff. It just doesn't translate from the arcade to console. Maybe the annoying movie segments were great in the arcade and made you feel like you were getting more game time, but at home you find yourself shooting the undertaker in the face when he pops up to inform you that you've lost a life. Yes, thanks, I was aware of that. The mexican stereotype who shot me dead was a pretty good indicator. There's also a bar whore who pops up when you shoot a civilian to remind you to, er, not shoot civilians. Somehow I don't think she's in the best position to be lecturing on morals.
Anyway, this game blows. To say it sucks balls would be offensive to balls, but if you (somehow) liked this game back in the day, you may want the stab of nostalgia. I hope whoever decided to re-issue this game had a stab of nostalgia. Right through their eyeball. I wish I'd saved my $50, bought that amount of Wii credit, and downloaded five 'just as shitty but ten times more enjoyable' Megadrive or SNES games. Yeah, Ecco the Dolphin would have been better than this shit. I give it one bar whore out of five.
There is no greater image to sum up my Dream Team form thus far than this one of Barry Hall punching Brent Staker in the face. Right in his face. After only three rounds, I am up shit creek without a paddle, so let's have a look at where it all went wrong.
I'm a few days behind the rest of the internet squawking in regards to the new Doctor Who episode, but better late than never I suppose. I shall save my proper squawking for another day once I've watched the episode again and have written down all my little niggles (ruh roh!), but as an interim review, I more or less liked it. I'm really not sold on Loafy yet, but it's only the first episode, and I imagine he'll act slightly less like a total spaz as the show goes on.
Anyway, writeup will come when I get around to it. Hopefully soon though! Cause I know you're all sitting there hitting refresh compulsively.
The exact date seems to be a little up in the air at the moment, but it's looking like the first few days of April. While I am still grieving over the loss of the One True Doctor, I'm looking forward to having new Who every week, and snickering over how Loafy isn't as awesome as Tennant, and The Ginger isn't as great as Rose. I must do an early apology to Matt Smith for the fact I will be referring to him as 'Loafy' for his entire Dr Who career, though it's not my fault his head is so rectangular and loaf-like. Also, insulting him helps me to deal with the loss of One True Doctor much better. But they're insults laced with love. He's still the Doctor, after all.
Number 2: The Stereophonics are coming back, holy shit!
They're generic Brit-rock and they get a bit more 'meh' with every record, but I don't care cause they're my favourite band in the whole damn world. April 10, Fremantle Arts Centre. OMG. I hope to be taking photos at the show, but even if I'm not I'll still be there fangirling my face off.
Number 3: Nexus is on again, holy shit!
I've tried to fill the time in between Nexuses (Nexii?) by going to other, far less superior collectible fairs, but all they do is highlight how awesome Nexus is. I went a bit crazy last time and bought a whole bunch of crap, so this time I expect to be a little more discerning. I believe it's on April 10. April 10 will be a very exciting day! Kotobukiya Scout Trooper, you shall be MINE!
Number 4: Glee is back, holy shit!
Surely it can't still be a guilty pleasure if everyone likes it? Surely? It's like a little bit of giddy sunshine every week, and if the limp-as-hell storyline starts to bore you, you can just fast forward to the singing! The new season brings us episodes by Joss Whedon, and starring Neil Patrick Harris. BARNEY ON GLEE. How fantastic.
Number 5: AFL Dream Team, holy shit!
Dream Team actually officially starts in just over a week, which is funnily enough when the AFL season starts, but I haven't participated in the competition before, so come April I'll have a few rounds under my belt and will be really hitting my stride. I'm confident with my team, the NAB Cup test run had them scoring pretty well, but at the moment the biggest decision in my life is trying to work out if I should keep Ben Cousins in my team and give him a shot for old time's sake, or trade him for a younger player who is a greater chance of playing all 22 games and less likely to end up in hospital with alcohol poisoning (SPECULATION). Expect to hear a lot more about Dream Team over the year. This is better than footy tipping. SO MUCH BETTER.
Foul.
But, this is what Davey Havok looks like now:
To that I say OM NOM NOM NOM NOM. God bless the day that he decided to stop looking like a Thai transvestite, and start looking like a total hottie.
Jane's Addiction weren't even on my radar before Soundwave, but now Dave Navarro's torso is burnt into my retinas and it's all I see when I close my eyes. This isn't really a bad thing, but I'm sure my optometerist would say otherwise. Watching Perry Farrell slink around like a feline minx was pretty damn good too.
So yes, more pictures will be up on jacintamathews.com eventually, but I'm notoriously lazy about updating it, so don't hold your breath.
Does anybody else get the feeling that reference pictures of David Tennant and John Barrowman weren't even in the general vicinity of the location where these abominations were being put together? Though if they were actually planning on making 'creepy-stalker Martin Short' and 'winter-fun Tom Cruise' dolls then they're right on the money.
